along my journey in faith..

I was acquainted with Nichiren Daishonin’s practice a year ago, and I’ve been practicing the philosophy for the last six months. Today, I’d like to share my journey in faith through a story of hope.

In September 2014, I suddenly took ill with a troubled spine, and was advised complete bed rest. It took me several treatments over a year to start feeling better. During this period, I could not work. When I rejoined work this January after an extended medical leave, I was upbeat. However, my return to work was anything but smooth.

My organization supported me financially for most of my leave, but then stopped. Though difficult, I managed, and eagerly waited for my January salary. It never got credited! I was shocked to discover that, in fact, I owed my organization the salaries received during my illness, and I would not be paid till I paid back. This was not viable for me. I was distraught.

In a state of disbelief, I called my manager, who only seemed annoyed and quickly turned defensive. Feeling increasingly anxious and having received no hope, I approached my upline manager. He heard me out, but soon I was told nothing could be done. I realized I was on my own in this struggle.

I shared the hopeless situation with two trusted friends at work - only to unburden. Ironically, they were privy to certain information owing to their roles. I was assured that the organization had policies in place for employees like me, and there was hope. Slowly, I found my faith again, and chanted with renewed vigor.

I determined to do everything in my capacity to correct the situation. I wasn’t looking for anyone to blame; I only wanted a solution for my sustenance. I persisted with my efforts, reaching out to several people who might be able to influence a reversal. After a lot of follow up, the wheels finally began to turn, and the situation was reconsidered. I took courage from this step in the right direction, but remained cautious. Two months later, despite numerous follow ups with multiple teams, there was no response or clarity on the revision.

What was equally painful was that my manager, who was once a peer and dear friend, had turned hostile. Official sources had confirmed that he had ‘messed up’ and was responsible for the botch up. Now, he was making my work environment uncomfortable. I felt he had failed me as a manager and a friend, but I wasn’t holding a grudge. Apparently, he was.

Throughout this tough period, I persevered with my faith. I did morning and evening gongyo, and chanted daimoku every day. I expressed gratitude for all the blessings I was enjoying, and prayed for everyone in my life - including my managers. I kept the faith that in time the situation will correct itself.

With 3rd May approaching, and hearing success stories in meetings, I felt encouraged to try focused chanting for the first time. I chanted earnestly to the Gohonzon, praying for the deadlock to be resolved before the 3rd, and for the hostile situation at work to ease eventually.

And it started to happen! After 3 months of anxiety and uncertainty, I was finally able to get the financial situation corrected to the extent possible, and get clarity. This was a huge relief, and I was grateful.

My work environment continued to feel strained, which disturbed me. I just wanted my manager and I to put this entire episode behind us, and start afresh. All my attempts failed, and nothing worked. It was as if I’d made a mistake by standing up for myself. Although pained, I was firm that I’d done the right thing.

I persisted with my faith, and did not give up. I continued focused chanting, now praying for my manager’s happiness, as I felt he was unhappy. I also started praying for my performance discussion meeting scheduled on 2nd May to be a constructive and positive meeting, where he and I could both bring forth our buddha natures.

Anti climax! Two weeks ago, it was announced that my manager had quit to pursue other opportunities. Initially, I did not know how to process this new development. I had mixed feelings. I’d been dreading he would continue to make my life difficult through the year, and spoil my year end rating. As the news sank in, I could not deny the relief. At the same time, I felt the loss of a dear friend.

Well, instead of my performance discussion meeting on 2nd May, our team bid my manager a farewell that day. On a lighter note, on hearing about my manager's decision to quit, a friend said 'Good he is leaving. Send him flowers from my side!' I calmly replied with a smile, "my prayers are no less than flowers." And I felt good as I said that. I had managed to turn poison into medicine.

It feels victorious that my friend has taken a step towards his happiness. With redetermination, I’ve continued chanting. I’ve been wishing him well, and will continue to do so.

The lesson I take..
When we pray for everyone's happiness, especially those causing us pain, it gives us courage to accept the situation, if not correct it – leading to peace of mind. Faith wins!