long time...

haven't felt this lonely n this restless in a very very very long time.....

it's been a day when i have felt the stress running through my veins.. i kept a straight face, functioned normal at work, did my work, made conversations, even managed to smile n laugh on one or two occasions.. bu inside i could feel a huge storm just below d surface. work was exceptionally tough today and dat didnt help, tho i managed everything just fine. nothing else helped either. n whn i got back home, n spoke to ma (and in effect with mapa), i allowed a few tears to shed n clung on to the phone much longer after i could sense ma's readiness to close the call since all dat was to be spoken had been done, but in my mind n heart thr was more, thr was pain pouring..waitin to flow out. yes, dat's d word, today i feel pained.

i guess d good thing is dat since i'v hit the bottom, likely i will manage to feel better tomorrow.. i hope so.. god help me n give me the strength to carry on..