jan 2012

the new month and year started on a good note, with me focusing on self, and more importantly, on my health for once, primarily because of the various niggling issues that started coming up, one after another, rather all together with the winter's onset. all the same, it was a positive change.

the reason why i am referring to this positive change in the past tense is because somewhere around mid-month, actually lohri, to be precise, i somehow stopped going for walks - a habit that took literally forever to form, and lasted less than 2 weeks. from then on, it has been one thing or another on weekdays as well as weekends (i usually end up packing the weekends quite a bit, something i need to work on). as a result, i have not been able to resume the one healthy habit i formed after much mental and physical resolve. that has been making me feel guilty at some level, and has been making me feel good about one less thing (that phrasing was deliberate - fairly positive, right? resilient optimist, n all..)

now to add to that, with the recent turn of events, which are not under my control, i have started to dip in terms of my emotional state - little by little. each aspect, which is not the way i prefer, is adding to the rapid fall. even relatively small unrelated things are adding to it. i know i can't wallow in self-pity, or wonder endlessly about why things cant be a certain way. it is futile and i know it. i like to strive to stay happy. but i can feel the cloud of unhappiness clouding over a bit. this is my attempt to record how i am feeling, and as i write, i also am making an effort to not let the heavy blanket of sadness cover me, even for a little while. i will stay afloat. i owe it to all those who love me and care for me. most of all, i owe it to myself.

will go for my evening meeting. happy recovery to me!