aah, the human mind..

tonight i have a splitting headache - actually not spiltting, but the kind that makes my head heavy n takes over my entire being. i feel low on energy..n sort of drag myself.. just popped a pill to beat the migraine. unfortunately, if i try to avoid the migraine medicine, the headache only gets much worse and stays on for 3-4 days at times.

wish i wasn't so sickly.. am popping in a pill for something or the other. it's sinus or migraine or atopic dermatitis (also called eczema).. when its neither of these. i catch a cold or cough that lasts forever.. i am allergic to dust, n get a sore throat if exposed to dust. my skin gets easily burnt if exposed to harsh sunlight. and of course, once in a while i too get seasonal infections. and did i actually forget to mention my severe cervical spondilitis! oh that's chronic. my physiotherapist is such a sweet girl - she tells me i ought to live the life of a princess, that house work is a no-no for me. she says she can write this for me for anyone who needs to know this fact to take good care of me. well well, probably the only thing i don't seem to suffer from is lymphocarcoma of the intestine. wish i had that too - that way i could have died like anand, and till i died i could have led a happy cheerful life (at least in the eyes of those around me).. in a way. i do that even now - have always been good at pretending to the world that all is well, when it's been the extreme opposite. of course, with time i have realized this pretence takes a heavy toll on me - i need to use all my mind&body resources to appear fine and confident on the outside. and when the day comes to a close and i'm on my own, i find myself sapped and low coz then there is no pretence that i am well. i know i'm not.

well well, let's not get all low and sad. that'll only make my headache worse, and won't permit the medicine to take any effect. plus the delayed sleep will get further delayed. n that won't help matters.

a lot of times when i seem to sort of lose hope, and after this feeling has come and stayed heavily over me for some time, n then begins to lift away, like winter fog, i also get this thot that i am biding my time and better times will follow. *insha allah*

well on that note, let me sign off tonight. may there be cheer and joy in this world.

like MJ's famous song goes (which incidentally i quite love).. Heal the World... Make it a better place.. For you and for me and the entire human race...
Good night, all. Good night to the entire kayinaat. God bless all.