peace

i think i have been low and kinda dead from within for some time. i almost felt like i was dragging my dead weight around lately. no pain, no joy. just following my routine in a robotic fashion. though don't mistake me, i am fortunate in many ways, and i completely realize and appreciate that. i know i'm blessed.

anyway, the good news is dat's changing. i am beginning to make peace with the finality of the reality. i have to look at it like my eczema. till i saw it as a problem, i was restless, insecure, inferior, and desperately looking for a solution. dis went on for a long while. and one day i was confronted with the fact that this is a part of me, and however much we try n manage it, its here to stay. and u know wot, i wasn't upset or distraught when i heard dat. strangely, i was plain relieved. i didnt have to run around anymore. i made peace with it. and today i don't lose sleep over my skin problem.

just last night, i watched a part of a movie, n someone said "god, what am i doing - i'm not going to feel sorry for myself". and dat got me thinking. have i been subconsciously doing that a bit. well, even if i have, i won't anymore. i won't feel sorry for myself. i have shed my dreams of the past. it hurt but it's over now. i don't feel the pain anymore.

most importantly, i am beginning to appreciate and prefer my quiet, calm life. i am beginning to make peace with the 'now'. the day i have done so sufficiently, i'll be in a position to begin on the new ventures, be it adoption of a child, a dog, getting involved with the work of an ngo, or even a small venture of my own.

god, help me recuperate and be a happy person from within. *insha allah*

4-4-4

a day we like to celebrate, as a wonderful day that brought a loving, caring and responsible person into our lives. and this year round, there was an additional cause for celebration: the beautiful addition to the family. thank u, god.

god bless the threesome.